


Truce - (kuroken)

by jpg_stardust



Category: HQ - Fandom, Haikyuu!!, Volleyball - Fandom, Yaoi - Fandom, akaashi keiji - Fandom, anime - Fandom, bokuto - Fandom, hq!! - Fandom, kenma kozume - Fandom, kuroken - Fandom, kuroo tetsurou - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Anxiety, Cheating, Depression, Doubt, Insecurity, Lots of Angst, Other, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Stress, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempts, Toxic Relationships, alotto crying, angry asshole kuroo, bad words, badly written tbh, but don't worry kenma will be okay.. i think, cussing and shiz guys, im so sorry, sad kenma, suicidal kenma, writing this makes my heart hurt oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-07-28 10:29:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7636666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jpg_stardust/pseuds/jpg_stardust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first it was just a little argument,then it formed into a slap to Kenma's face.<br/>Now,it's just a big heaping mess.<br/>(I love creating pain so be warned that this will be aNgsty as hEck)<br/>(Another warning: includes abuse,self harm,anxiety,depression,rape)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The chapters will be hella short and angsty ~~  
> ((( WARNING: includes rape,abuse,& self harm. please do not read if you get easily triggered by these kinds of things. I am not encouraging anyone to do anything. Read at your own risk and be safe! )))

1\. It Started Out Simple ______________________   

 

 

   Every now and then,Kuroo and Kenma would argue.

   It used to be a pretty rare thing,considering their friendship started out when they were kids,but then it got worse. It would then be once or twice a week,babbling and yelling back and forth about literally nothing.    

But it was all okay,because it ended with apologies and cuddles in bed,whispering sweet words in one another's ears. Over time,it would all be too much for Kuroo to handle,so he would then storm out of their apartment,slamming the door behind him,resulting the smaller man to angrily retreat to their room. It was just their way of cooling each other off. Kuroo would come back in the middle of the night anyway,tucking an already knocked-out Kenma away in bed and lovingly kiss his forehead,getting his bleached hair out of the way of his sleeping face as well. Both of them eventually apologizing. Until one night,Kuroo didn't come back. The one night Kenma or Kuroo didn't apologize within 6 hours after they would argue about something stupid. The one night they didn't sleep in the same bed,holding each other in one another's arms. Kuroo was gone for two days,which what felt like an eternity for the younger man,leaving him vulnerable and lonely as ever in their home.

Meanwhile,Kuroo honestly felt the same. He had asked Bokuto and Akaashi if he could crash at their place for a while,not giving away any information about what was really going on with him and his boyfriend. He couldn't bring it up. Because when he thought of Kenma,his chest swelled and it felt like someone was stabbing his chest with a knife over and over again,regret eating him alive as he bitterly thought about his stupid actions towards the younger man and why he left their home- why he had left Kenma all alone.

When Kuroo came back,Kenma wanted to jump right into his arms for joy,comfort,and safety. All he wanted to do was to be in his boyfriend's arms and take in his comforting scent. He wanted Kuroo to hold Kenma in his arms,to kiss the smaller man,and to whisper sweet words in his ear with the voice that Kenma loved so much. All Kenma wanted to do was sob in Kuroo's loving touch and apologize for being such a burden,over and over again.

When Kuroo came back,he saw Kenma tangled in their sheets on their bed,shuddering while clutching onto a tear stained pillow,burying himself in Kuroo's jacket,inhaling his scent. The view honestly made Kuroo want to cry and cradle Kenma in his arms,while apologizing for being so stupid and selfish over and over again,never letting go.

"K-kuro?" The smaller man's head turned to face the doorway. Kenma then scrambled on the bed,sitting up,Kuros oversized jacket slipping off of his small frame on one shoulder. Kuroo stood in the doorway,breath hitched. He then quickly walked toward the bed,keeping his gaze on the boy before him,trembling and crying with a flushed face.

The larger man engulfed Kenma in his arms,holding him close. Kenma then proceeded to sob and clutch Kuroo's shirt,both of them apologizing to each other,sharing sweet little kisses. That night Kuroo promised that things would get better for them.

   It was a shame that promise never lasted too long.

\---------------------  

  The couple had done it many times,as this was one of them. Kenma always loved Kuroo's touch when they had sex.

He felt safe,loved,and at home with Kuroo. His lover always felt the same as well.  

  But this time,Kuroo's breath reeked of alcohol when he came home from work. Kenma was washing the dishes when Kuroo hugged him from behind,feeling his hands run along the younger man's chest under his shirt. Kenma was honestly feeling exhausted,finishing up and turning off the water.

   "Welcome home." Kenma let out a small smile,as he felt Kuroo's hot breath on his neck. Kenma knew something wasn't right when his lover was silent.

   He dried his hands and was about to head to their room,wanting to play some games. Instead,Kuroo stopped him and shoved Kenma against the wall,harshly connecting their lips together. Kenma widened his eyes and gasped in surprise,Kuroo then shoving his tongue in his boyfriend's mouth.

   They parted,making the older man have a chance to take off his shirt,then smashing their lips together once more,Kuroo then went down and lick a stripe on Kenma's neck,the bleached-haired man shuddering at how rough Kuroo was being without any sign of Kenma's consent,his head still hurting from the sudden slam on the wall he was being pushed against.

   Kuroo eventually ended up dragging them to the bedroom and forced Kenma underneath him,continuing their heated up make out session,the smaller man having a hard time keeping up his boyfriend's kissing pace,getting tired.

All of a sudden,Kuroo's hand stopped wandering underneath Kenma's shirt,sliding his right hand down to pull off his lover's pants. Kenma felt Kuroo's boner rub against his thigh.

   Kuroo disconnected their lips,their mouths open,leaving a string of saliva between them. Eventually he moved down to leave sloppy,wet kisses from Kenma's jaw to his pale neck,then sucking and biting against the soft skin,leaving hickeys and love bites. He didn't see the uncomfortable expression made by the man below him.

   "Kuroo I don't really want to..." Kenma said quietly,not wanting to make his boyfriend mad.

   Kuroo kept on going,slowly pulling down the waistband of the younger man's underwear,then tugging it off,turning Kenma over,making him face the bed.

He lifted the long-haired man's thighs,knees against the mattress,ass up in the air.    Kenma lifted his head up,turning it to look at Kuroo.

   "Kuroo can we please not do it tonight?" He shyly asked.

   Again,it was as if Kenma didn't say a single thing,Kuroo slicking his fingers with the lube he grabbed from the nightstand drawer,and inserted his index and middle fingers in his partner.    Kenma wasn't really ready,so he flinched as he felt a sudden burning sensation in his walls,his boyfriend's cold fingers thrusting in and out,stretching the whimpering man.

   "Kuroo,I don't feel good today-please,I don't want to..." Kenma shyly pleaded feeling like throwing up as the raven-haired man inserted a third finger in his entrance. After stretching the younger man out,Kuroo unbuttoned his pants,freeing his erection and slicked it up with lube,jerking it off as precum spilled from the tip. He then slid inside Kenma,the man underneath him gasping because of the sudden feeling. He started slowly thrusting inside,holding on to his boyfriend's hips,furrowing his brows because of the pleasure in his lower region. Kenma awkwardly felt Kuroo move inside of him,his heated erection moving faster inside.

   "Kuro,please stop..." He whimpered,then feeling his head being shoved down into the pillow. Luckily Kenma's face was turned to the side,or else he would have probably suffocated. He clenched his fists in the pillow,Kuroo thrusting harder and faster in him,leaving small grunts and moans. Kenma's own penis hung down limp,not really enjoying it like his lover.  

  "No,stop-I don't like it..." Kenma whimpered,hoping Kuroo could hear him.    The larger man just kept thrusting,tightening his hold on Kenma,the bed creaking underneath the two.

'Why don't I like this,' Kenma thought to himself bitterly,tears welling up in his eyes,tricking down across his face,cheek harshly shoved against the soft pillow.Kuroo fisted the blond hair in his left hand,while his other hand tightly gripped at Kenma,leaving a burning sensation against his hip.

   'I should just stop thinking about myself too much and try to make him feel good.' He said to himself in his head,trying to ignore the pain in his ass and the stinging feeling of Kuroo's harsh thrusts.

   Kuroo rapidly slammed into Kenma harder,the sound of grunts and wet slapping filling the room. Tears kept trickling down the younger man's face,as he tightly shut his eyes and furrowed his brows,covering his mouth with one hand,whilst the other one still gripping the pillow.

   When Kuroo came,he shallowly thrust two more times,then slid off of Kenma. He grabbed the box of tissues sitting on the nightstand and wiped himself off,then moving on to clean off his boyfriend with trembling legs.   

   "Kenma,you should shower first." he breathlessly offered,still trying to calm his breathing after his orgasm,sobering himself up a bit.

   Kuroo then realized Kenma never even came,eyes widening as he saw his lover's face.

   The black-haired man went and cradled Kenma in his arms,wiping his tears and leaving a sorrowful,loving kiss on his forehead,apologizing over and over again. Kenma held a blank expression,eyes swollen and red.    

   "It's okay Kuro." he finally said,the lie easily slipping out of his mouth.

   "It won't happen again,I'm so sorry Kenma,I'm so sorry," Kuroo whimpered against his boyfriend's hair,tears slowly sliding down his face,feeling stupid and bitter toward himself.

   He washed Kenma gently in the bath filled with regret and guilt,cleaning his partner as if he was the most fragile thing in the world.

\---------------

   Kenma became quieter than he ever was,forgetting about talking to his friends,shyly responding when Kuroo talked to him. Kuroo didn't ever talk about that night for Kenma,feeling like shit. Yet he always apologized when Kenma didn't respond when Kuroo talked. Kenma reassured his lover that he was okay and that he forgives him.    Both of them weren't sure if Kenma was lying or not though.

\------------  

  It was Friday.  

  Kuroo stumbled home after work,alcohol taking over his system. When Kenma came out to greet him with a "welcome back" and a hug,Kuroo shoved the younger man off. Kenma stumbled back,falling on the ground. Kuroo spit in his face,an angry expression on his face. Pulling his boyfriend up by the collar of his shirt,he boomed in a loud voice.    "WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN WRONG WITH YOU."

   Kenma felt a tug of fear and uneasiness in his stomach.

   "I FUCKING HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU! WHAT ARE YOU,A CHILD?! YOU'RE USELESS IN THIS HOUSE AND I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU,YET YOU NEVER SHOW ME RESPECT OR APPRECIATION. I REALLY DO FUCKING TRY FOR YOU AND YOU GIVE ME NOTHING IN RETURN!" Kuroo yelled in Kenma's face,slamming the smaller boy's body back on the ground,letting go of his shirt collar. He then roughly kicked Kenma's side.    Kenma whimpered in pain,and scrambled back,getting farther from the raged man and then getting back up on his feet.   

   "YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID,WORTHLESS,AND WEAK. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M WITH YOU." Kuroo spat,hitting Kenma each time an insult came out of his mouth.

   "Kuroo,I'm sorry... I love y-" He was cut off with a punch. Kenma fell to the ground with a thud. "PATHETIC." Kuroo bitterly managed to sputter out,the two breathing heavily. He then stormed to the bathroom and prepared a shower for himself,leaving his boyfriend on limp on the ground,the back of his head throbbing from the collision with the floor,groaning while clutching onto his side,tears sliding down his cheeks. His head was spinning and everything was blurry due the tears welling up in his eyes. Kenma then fell asleep on the floor,not bothering to move.

   After Kuroo's shower,he was knocked out on their bed,not yet realizing his rash actions towards Kenma.

   The next morning Kuroo woke up,head throbbing. He went out to the kitchen to take some medicine and drink water,his mouth feeling as dry as a desert,not noticing his boyfriend lying on the floor of their living room. However,when he walked out of the kitchen,feeling a bit better,he realized.

   He gaped at Kenma in shock,as his lover was lying on the ground,recollecting last night's memories.

   "Fuck!" He shouted aloud to himself,rushing himself over to the man laying on the ground,not showing any signs of life,the smaller man's bleached hair covering his face. Kuroo saw that Kenma was breathing,and a wave of relief washed over. That wash of relief wasn't enough though.    Pain shot in his chest as he carried his lover in his arms,touching him as if he was going to break if Kuroo did a single hard move on his small,sleeping body. Kenma had a black eye,dried blood under his right nostril,and the left side of his jaw had a bruise. When Kuroo started to walk,Kenma flinched and grasped at his boyfriend's shirt,looking up and squinting his eyes.

   "K-kuro?" He weakly whispered,looking at his lover's pained expression.

   They got to the bedroom,and Kuroo carefully laid down,Kenma still in his arms. Tears trailed down his face as he cuddled the younger man. He then gently planted his lips on Kenma's after moving his blond hair away from his face. Kuroo started stroking the soft,long hair,loving the way it felt against his fingers,loving the warmth his boyfriend's small body radiated on his. Kenma buried his face in Kuroo's chest,appreciating the scent that made him feel at home.

   "Kuro,whatever I did wrong,I'm so-"

   "Don't." He quickly responded,cutting Kenma off from his apology. Kenma looked up at him in surprise,taking his small hand and gently wiped off the tears on Kuroo's pained face. Kuroo winced when he looked at Kenma's exposed bruised eye.    

   "I don't know what came over me. I was stressed. But that doesn't matter-because what I did wasn't right and I never want to hurt you. I'm such a monster for doing this to you Kitten. I'm so sorry." Kuroo choked out,taking his hand to lightly stroke Kenma's cheek. He left another kiss on his partner's forehead.

   "It's okay-"

   "No it's not! P-please...don't say that..." The older man trembled. Kenma,with a concerned face,left a small,but loving peck on Kuroo's lips,which immediately soothed him.

   "I love you Kuro."

   The larger man felt his face heat up. His head was spinning (not just because of the aftermath of the liquor),his face heated up,and it felt like Kenma just sliced Kuroo's heart in half with a dull blade. Kenma's face made Kuroo internally scream,"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS ANGEL" while making him mentally collapse to his knees in a desert,fisting the sand in on hand while letting sand flow from his palm in the other.

   "I love you too Kitten. I promise I won't do it again." Kuroo murmured the last part in his boyfriend's bleached hair. They both drifted off to sleep,holding each other,luckily it being Saturday.

   It was depressing at how long Kuroo Tetsurō's promise lasted.

\-----------------------


	2. 2. Apologies//Crash & Bang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another short chapter!!! I'll try to make the next one way longer,and in Kenma's point of view! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

   Kenma stopped talking like he usually did,and that's something. 

   Of course Akaashi would text him now and then,they bonded mainly because of their lover's friendship after all. But even without Kuroo or Bokuto,they texted here and then,becoming closer over the years. Plus,they all went to college with one another.   
   One night,Akaashi had to ask Kenma to pick Kuroo up from his and Bokuto's house. Sighing,he slipped on his jacket and locked the apartment door behind him,having to pick up his drunk boyfriend at their friend's house. When Kenma had arrived,Akaashi had already tucked a wasted Bokuto to sleep. He reassured Kenma that it was okay,after the bleached-haired boy had to apologize for his lover's actions. Kenma had been picking up a alcohol infused Kuroo from Akaashi and Bokuto's house from time to time as well lately,then being punished as soon as the two got home.   
It was most nights,where Kuroo would come home and start hitting and yelling at his boyfriend. Sometimes Kuroo involved sex as well,no matter consent. In the end,it was okay,because the tall raven-haired man would cuddle with Kenma in bed,apologizing and reminding the smaller man it was for the best.   
Kenma understood. Kuroo was only doing this for him. Kuroo was only hurting Kenma physically because he loves him. He never minded that much anymore,knowing that Kuroo was doing this for a reason. Kenma's partner had always promised he wouldn't do it again anyway,kissing him lovingly,taking care of the wounds and outcome of his beating to his bleached-haired boyfriend. It was fine. Everything was okay,as long as they loved each other. Kenma reminded himself everyday that Kuroo loves him,accepting his punishment and verbal abuse. Although,it wasn't abuse to Kenma. It was a lesson.

\---------------------

It was 7:24 p.m.  
After doing his chores,Kenma heard his phone buzz as he had received a notification. Akaashi texted him.   
"You haven't been communicating lately as far as I've been seeing less of your presence on the Internet.... everything ok??"  
Miraculously,Kuroo had come home the same time Kenma sent his reply to his friend. Kuroo's breath was lingering with alcohol as he slipped off his coat and placed it on a chair set next to the dinner table. Kenma scrambled up from the couch and slipped his phone in his pocket,walking over to his lover shyly.   
"Welcome home." He had greeted,face emotionless as he saw Kuroo stride over to give his pudding-headed boyfriend a hug.   
Kenma flinched,triggering annoyance in Kuroo when he had engulfed the smaller man in a hug.   
"I missed you." He had mumbled,resting his chin on the mop of blonde hair underneath him.   
"I missed you to-" Kenma quietly said in a muffled voice,nuzzling against Kuroo's shirt as he was cut off by the buzz of his phone in his pocket. His boyfriend released him,granting permission to go ahead and check what was up on Kenma's phone. As the younger man scanned the screen with his eyes,Kuroo snatched the device out of Kenma's hands,reading the short conversation between his lover and Akaashi. Furrowing his brows,Kuroo lightly tossed Kenma's cellular to the couch near them.   
"I don't want you talking to him anymore kitten."   
Kenma slightly raised his eyebrows upward,parting his lips,a shocked expression smacked upon his face. Before the younger man said anything, Kuroo had beat him to it.  
"You should only talk to me Kenma. You're mine alone and I don't want you to talk to anyone else other than me. That Shouyo kid as well. I don't want you to be friends with him anymore." The older man stated,his back turned to his lover,inviting himself in the kitchen.   
"I don't think that's a decision for you to make..." Kenma had mumbled,only to see his boyfriend whipping his head around,a vicious glare taking over Kuroo's calm expression from earlier.   
He waltzed over,hand raised in the air before Kenma can see,and the last thing the lovers heard was a loud echoing smack in the apartment,blood rushing to the shorter man's right cheek. Tears forced their way out of Kenma's eyes,as he tried his hardest to blink them away,looking down in shame as his slapped cheek turned into a shade of bright red.   
"I said,you only. Belong. To me."  
Kenma had felt like an idiot for disobeying his boyfriend.   
"Is that clear,Kenma." He had added,being it more of a statement than a question.   
"Y-yes.. Kuro." Kenma finally forced the words out his mouth. Kuroo had lifted Kenma up by a grip of his shirt collar,crinkling it up in his fist.   
"Be respectful to me. You are mine and only mine." Kuroo said loudly,feeling Kenma tremble underneath him. He then swung,letting go of his lover after the first punch as Kenma stumbled back,surprisingly not crumbling to the ground quite yet. He looked up at Kuroo with pleading eyes,as if he was apologizing.   
The bigger man swung at him again,knocking down his boyfriend in the process.   
   "Kuro," he choked out between sobs,body pressed against the floor, "I'm sorry-" Kenma once again was cut off by the all the air in his body being knocked out of his system,wheezing as he felt the rough collision of his lover's foot against his stomach. Kuroo kicked Kenma again and again,once in a while yanking his bleached hair and throwing him around,ignoring the younger man's desperate pleas. "I love you"s turned into desperate babbling,Kuroo's boyfriend having a hard time trying to talk when his body was already forming bruises.   
   When he was done,Kuroo fisted a handful of blond hair,forcefully pulling a tired Kenma up. He roughly locked their lips together,the smaller man trying to catch up with Kuroo's quick and sloppy pace. Kuroo felt Kenma's soft,flushed lips moving against his,having no effect on the recent things he had done to the blond. The blood underneath his lover's nostril was beginning to dry as Kuroo felt the mixture of blood and tears touching his face when he deepened the kiss. Kenma felt more tears trickle down his face,clinging onto the older man desperately,despite his aching body.   
   Kuroo then broke it apart,pulling the collar of Kenma's shirt down. He licked a stripe down Kenma's jawline,the younger man shuddering. Kuroo harshly pressed a hot trail of kisses on Kenma's neck to his collarbone and shoulders,sucking and biting away at the soft,pale skin. The blood soon rose up as marks blossomed on Kenma's delicate flesh,indicating the fact that he belonged to only Kuroo.   
   The Raven-haired man finished marking his territory,carrying the shaking man to their bedroom. They lie on their bed,limps tangled together. Kenma wants to turn away from Kuroo's body,but he couldn't help but melt within his boyfriend's arms,never wanting to leave as well.   
   "I'm sorry kitten. I won't do it again." He mumbled,leaving a kiss on the top of Kenma's head. Kenma only nodded a little,fluttering his eyes shut as his heart pounded in his chest,a warm sensation running in his body.   
   "You know I love you,right?" Kuroo added,looking down at the man he held dearly in his arms. Kenma responded with an "I love you too." as Kuroo drifted off to sleep,happy that they were sleeping together,cuddling,not caring about skipping dinner.  
   Little did he know Kenma didn't sleep at all that night.

\--------------------------

   Kenma stopped talking to Shouyou,Akaashi,and all his friends. He didn't go outside much either,only making little trips to go buy groceries or going to work. Whenever a friend would ask him if he wanted to hang out,he nicely refused the offer,making up an excuse. He got better at lying each time.  
   It was hard going outside for him,mainly because of the amount of time he spends trying to hide his bruises with makeup,bandages,or clothing. The other reason why Kenma didn't go out much,was because he had to gather the confidence to text Kuroo and ask for permission,shaking in fear every time he had to do so.   
   It didn't effect Kenma all that much though.   
   Luckily,when Akaashi came by to his and Kuroo's place to check up on his friend,Kenma had just gotten back from work,so he wasn't concerned about the bruises,hickeys,and lovebites that were splashed on his body. Akaashi only stood in the doorway of the apartment,eyeing Kenma suspiciously as the shorter man easily lied about not being social much lately. The curly-haired man sighed in defeat,telling Kenma he's always there if his friend needs him as he left,leaving Kenma alone by the door,waving goodbye.   
   Kenma forgot the nice feeling of having his friends by his side. Of course he didn't feel lonely,because he had Kuroo. Kuroo who took care of him,respected,and loved Kenma. Kuroo who was always there for Kenma.   
He took the beatings well,Kuroo's punches and kicks no longer becoming foreign. It was always okay to Kenma,as long as his lover was there to apologize and kiss the pain away from the wounds Kuroo had inflicted on Kenma's body.   
Everything was okay, and Kenma made sure to remind himself of that every single day. 

\----------------------------------

Kenma was eating his lunch at work when Shouyou and Akaashi barged in,which was an odd sight to see. The two rarely ever talked. He widened his eyes and finished eating the last of his rice. His friends gazed at him intently,concern among their faces.   
   "Guys..."  
   "Kenma." Akaashi finally spoke,in his calm comforting voice. Hinata knitted his brows together at his bleached-haired friend,taking in how much Kenma had changed over the past few months.   
   "Do you...do you guys need anything from me?" Kenma mumbled,tucking away his small bento box.   
   "We want answers,Kozume." Akaashi replied sternly,folding his arms together on his chest. Kenma pursed his lips,then taking out his water bottle.  
   "Why haven't you been talking to us lately? What's with the getup? Are you and Kuroo okay?" The ginger rushed,the man next to him having to put his hand on Hinata's shoulder to slow down. They all knew the shortest among them had definitely crossed a line,as Kenma tensed up at the second question aimed right at him.   
   That day the pudding-haired man was wearing a white eyepatch on his right eye,covering up a dark,violet bruise. His skin looked softer and lighter, as he had to use makeup to cover up the other bruises,hickeys,and love bites from his boyfriend. Hands were wrapped in some sort of gauze as they were sore and red from trying to shield himself.   
   Kenma slouched down lower,making sure that his hair was curtained over his eyepatch. He couldn't come up with any excuses,internally panicking as his friends waited for a proper response.  
   "Ah,uhm- the doctor. My eye had some kind of infection and ah, he also said I needed to take a break from playing games and typing on my laptop. It puts too much strain on my hands." He covered up,feeling his palms sweat as he gazed up nervously to see his friend's reactions. The two eyed him suspiciously,then trailing over to Kenma's bento.  
   "You haven't been eating much,have you." Akaashi furrowed his brows at his anxious looking friend,noticing how little the bento was,and how Kenma just finished eating when lunch started just a couple minutes ago.  
   "These were just some leftovers..." Kenma quietly grumbled ,looking away. Hinata and Akaashi sighed in unison,a soft expression spread among their features.   
   "Just...text us once in a while Kenma. We worry about you." The orange-haired man reminded his friend sincerely.  
   Kenma had a guilty expression on his face,chewing a small piece of dry skin on his bottom lip. He mumbled an apology,thank you,and a couple of words of reassurance that he was okay in front of his best friends. He gave consent for them to hug him,two other two making the most out of it and squeezing him tightly,but lovingly. Hinata and Akaashi waved goodbye as they went through the doors,walking away from Kenma's workplace.   
   Kenma sighed. He quickly emailed his boss for permission to leave work early,claiming that he didn't feel too well,which wasn't really a lie.   
   Kenma walked home,preparing himself to face his lover. Only when he reached the door to his home,he had already heard a crash and bang.


	3. 3. Toxic Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna do Kenma's point of view for this chapter but I changed my mind kekskekeek  
> I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG AND ITS SO SHORT TOO HABDJCJSANDBJSS  
> THANK YOU FOR ALL THE COMMENTS AND KUDOS OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!

Kenma could hear items breaking and his lover's slurred yelling when he reached the door to his home. With trembling hands,he took out his keys and unlocked the door,twisting the knob as he removed his shoes. 

 

"I'm home." He called out to Kuroo,bending down to pick up his shoes,placing them neatly on the shoe rack. 

 

"YOU WENT TO SEE THAT HINATA KID TODAY." Kuroo fumed,marching over to his small boyfriend. He fisted the collar of Kenma's shirt with both hands,shaking the shorter man violently. Kenma's shocked eyes looked straight at Kuroo's enraged ones,shaking in fear,not knowing what to say.   
"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT FUCKING LYING TO ME KENMA. BOKUTO TOLD ME THAT THE SHRIMP WAS WITH AKAASHI HEADING TO YOUR WORKPLACE."  
Kenma choked out a stuttered apology, tears welling up in his eyes,threatening to flow. Kuroo let go of the younger man's shirt with one hand,forcefully cupping Kenma's jaw to look at him straight in the eye. At this point Kenma was slightly raised from the ground,jaw aching as he tried to touch the floor with the tips of his toes. Kuroo saw the fear in Kenma's eyes,as Kenma saw the merciless glare before him. He swore that Kuroo had a twinge of guilt as soon as hot tears streamed down his pale cheeks.   
   "You don't just fucking see another man without my permission Kenma." He growled,roughly throwing his boyfriend on the ground. Kuroo swung his foot into the smaller man's gut,kicking him repeatedly while breathing heavily. When Kuroo's foot hit his head, Kenma weakly curled himself into a fetus position on the floor,hugging his knees while squeezing his eyes shut,tears still flowing down his face.   
   "M' sorry,m' sorry,m' sorry," he weakly rasped out,repeating his broken apologies,hoping it would get to his lover.   
   Kuroo stopped. He panted heavily,tired from taking out his anger. He fell to his knees and crawled toward his small boyfriend. Kenma let Kuroo cradle him in his arms. The Raven-haired man buried his face in the crook of Kenma's neck,apologizing over and over again,swearing not to hurt him ever again. Kenma only let out a shaky breath and a little smile,stoking the older man's hair with one hand.  
"Promise me." Kuroo suddenly spoke,lifting up his head to hold Kenma's face in his hands,looking at him straight in the eye.  
"Promise me you won't be with anyone else but me. Please only talk to me kitten." Kuroo rasped out pleadingly. Kenma in return,gave the man before him a hesitant nod. Kuroo grinned,pulling his lover in to kiss his forehead.   
"I love you, kitten."   
"I love you too Kuro."

\--------------------------------

It was another rough night for Kenma.   
Well,technically it wasn't night anymore,considering the fact that it was indeed 2:57 a.m.   
Kuroo was home,trashing the things in their room as Kenma only stood there,trembling,with a face covered in tears.   
"WORTHLESS." The bookshelf filled with video games collapse.   
"USELESS." The sound of a console breaking.  
"PATHETIC." The shriek of shattering glass,giving their television a spiderweb-looking crack on the screen.   
   "HIDEOUS." The coffee table being flung across the room,some items flying along with it.   
   "YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING GRATEFUL,KENMA. WITHOUT ME YOU'RE FUCKING NOTHING!" As the last word escaped Kuroo's mouth,Kenma was shoved back,weakly falling on the ground.  
   "WITHOUT ME,YOU WOULD BE FUCKING DEAD!" He spat in his lover's face,the sound of a slap echoing across the room,Kenma's cheek stinging as it started to swell.   
   Kuroo stormed out,grabbing his jacket and slamming the door behind him.   
   Kenma wanted to run. Run after him. He wanted to run outside and tug Kuroo's arm back,desperately crying out to his boyfriend not to leave,apologizing for all the things he had done wrong over and over again. Kenma wanted to cling on to Kuroo and make him stay,make him try to remind Kenma that he loves him. Kenma wanted to scream to his partner how much he loved him,how much he only needed Kuroo to stay.   
   But he didn't. All the blond could do was stay there,sprawled on the ground,tears rapidly flowing down his cheeks. Kenma took in all the things Kuroo had said,remarking how true his lover's words were.   
"I really am pathetic." 

\---------------------------------

   It was a Saturday.  
That morning,Kuroo kissed his forehead goodbye as the taller man went off to his meeting,Kenma smiling and waving at his boyfriend by the doorway.   
   All the chores were done,so Kenma had decided to go on the Internet on his laptop. He had 15 Facebook messages,mainly from Akaashi and Shouyou asking him if he was alright or if he had wanted to go hang out with them. Kenma decided to ignore them,not caring if the messages would've been marked as seen.   
   Tumblr was the next thing,as the blond logged in and started scrolling. He didn't feel like looking at recent posts on his saved tags,so all he did was look at the posts on his homepage. After being on the same website for some time,Kenma came across a post that had got him thinking. It was two pictures,one of each a male and female with bruised bodies. The text on the images were in a white,thin font.   
"(He/She)'s lying. (He/She) will do it again."   
   The people who responded underneath the pictures just stated that it was important for people to know that,and that it was just a warning out there. Others had stated it was super important to reblog the post. Then,someone left a link to some website about toxic relationships. The rest of it was things like "this ^^" or stories about their past experiences with toxic relationships.   
   Kenma saved the link to that Tumblr post,then clicking on the link.   
"What is a toxic relationship?"   
   "How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship? / Signs you're in a toxic relationship"  
   "How to end your toxic relationship- for the victim"  
   "How to end your toxic relationship- for the parter causing/inflicting"   
   "Special contact information if you're in a toxic relationship."  
   He carefully read all the articles,eyes scanning the definition over and over again.   
   "Relationship red flags. Signs of a toxic relationship are sometimes easy to spot—blatant infidelity or physical violence, for example. But there can often be more subtle signs that something's just not right between you and your partner—or between you and a close friend, a coworker, or a family member."  
   Kenma made sure to save the link,not being sure why he wanted to do so. 

\------------------------ 

   Sunday night Kenma couldn't sleep.   
He and Kuroo spent the day together,going out on a date,walking around Tokyo. The two of them had fun,going into random shops,sitting and talking in their favorite cafe/bakery,bringing home apple pie for Kenma. By the end of it,they went to eat dinner at a restaurant,and then going home.  
   It was 1:37 a.m. The definition of toxic relationships burning across his mind as Kenma was in the clutch of his boyfriend,the two cuddling in their bed. Kenma thought about how he had to wear makeup everyday,how he had to wear an eyepatch to cover up his bruise,how he had to wear scarves every time he had to go outside (despite being only the start of August),and how he had to wrap his hands and arms in gauze to cover up his bruises. The sour feeling inside of him wasn't aimed at Kuroo,not at all. It was aimed at himself.   
"It's not like that," he bitterly thought to himself, "Kuro loves me."   
   Doubts were lingering in his mind as he tried to convince himself that he wasn't getting hurt by his boyfriend.   
"Kuro loves me." Kenma repeated to himself in his mind,being angry at himself for thinking about his relationship with Kuroo in that way. His chest ached as he buried his face deeper in his lover's chest,sighing quietly and appreciating how Kuroo's warmth and scent was soothing to his soul.   
   He couldn't sleep much that night,as Kenma kept repeating to himself in his head that he definitely was not in a toxic relationship. 

\-----------------------------

It was a rough night that left Kenma in tears,on the ground,Kuroo slamming the door of their bedroom.   
'Pathetic' the younger had thought to himself,sneering at himself while wiping his snot away by roughly rubbing his sweater sleeve on his face,producing gross sniffling noises.   
The other lover had gone to bed after his daily dose of Kenma beatings,leaving him a crying heap on the living room carpet. Kenma didn't mind. He was too used to this. After all,they did love each other.   
Kenma forced his body upwards,dragging himself to the bathroom miserably.   
"FUCKING USELESS BITCH!" Kuroo spat in his face,throwing the smaller man's harsh fistful of hair to the rough carpet.  
He washed away the blood,sweat,and tears from his face,looking up from the sink to see his reflection staring back at him,mocking him.   
'Hideous' Kenma thought to himself,a twinge of disgust running through his body as he inspected his own ugliness.   
Kenma learned to hate himself. It was a small flame in his core due to his parents before,but now it manifested into a raging fire of self loathing and disgust. He had plenty of things to hate about himself. Kenma stopped feeling the pain his boyfriend inflicted on him. It was as if his whole physical self was numb. But he thought it was okay,because if it was all for Kuroo,maybe he would love Kenma as much as Kenma loves him.   
His body itched. It itched for pain. Kenma had always ignored the tingling feeling. Though he had no more patience for himself. Not anymore. The sight of himself in pain was a wild,crazy urge he couldn't control at the moment.   
Kenma quietly snuck in their bedroom,retrieving what he had just needed in a drawer in his desk. The metal shined in the bedside lamp.  
Kenma felt relieved as soon as he saw the point at the end of the piece of the crafting blade. He then snuck out and back into the bathroom,eagerly locking the door and pushing his sweater sleeve up to his elbow.   
The blond man wasn't hesitant when he delicately dragged the blade against his skin for the first time. And he definitely wasn't hesitant repeating what he had done over and over again on his wrist,movements getting sloppier and rougher. Kenma let out little shaky breaths as he first saw the crimson beads being born atop the newly red lines,those little drops of blood becoming a whole garden of red on his skin,blood taking up nearly his entire pale wrist. Kenma then quickly switched to his other wrist,in a trance. The sight was beautiful,and he deserved every part of it. He desperately kept swiping with the silver,as if it was battling against his wrists. Crimson blooming from his skin like beautiful red flowers. It stung,it really did,but he couldn't help but mindlessly let the blade and his wrist dance together,droplets of red trickling down,down,until they hit the tile floor.   
   "Roses," Kenma whispered to himself.   
   The man then snapped back to reality,his beautiful daydream throughout the process fading away. He shakily put the silver away on the counter,looking down to see the pool of roses congealing on the tile floor,as well as his wrists. Kenma's eyes widened,realizing what he had done to himself.   
   "Oh no," The man had thought,not knowing if it was accidentally whispered aloud.   
   Cleaning up the blood on his arms and bathroom floor,Kenma then searched for his roll of gauze,hoping the stinging sensation would tame itself. Kenma winced as he ran his arms under the tap water,the beautiful red gradually fading away,then revealing his pale arms left with angry red scratches.   
   He wrapped his wrists with the white gauze and pulled the sleeves of his sweater down,pain shooting up his arms within nearly every little movement he made.   
   Kenma realized the time,too tired to be surprised how late he stayed up,and how long he was in the bathroom. Mindlessly walking to the living room,he made himself tea,sitting on the kitchen floor with his knees tightly against his chest. Kenma felt dull,like the pain in his chest soothed down. Empty,yet his feelings for his lover filled him up,warm and fluttery. Kenma thought his physical pain that he had inflicted on himself helped the ache in his chest flee. He smiled to himself,remembering Kuro's loving smile,and the way his lover sounded calling Kenma's name. "The pain wasn't bad," he thought to himself, "as long as I get to be happy with him."  
   He stood up,sipping the last of his tea. Kenma tiptoed to the bedroom as he gave his boyfriend a kiss on the forehead,then heading back to the kitchen to make his lover breakfast.


	4. Boy Meets Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Being insanely happy, I was a fool addicted to your sweetness.  
> Yes, a fool,  
> fool,  
> fool.  
> I didn't want to let go, the touch of evil."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol sorry it's been so long and this chapter is rlly short but hey i'll be posting Haikyuu one-shots soon and more updates of this fic so it aint dead  
> I'm actually more active on my instagram @cyanidephantom so feel free to scream about how fucked up I am there  
> I've got big plans for this fic so don't worry about it dying  
> I might turn it into a one-shot tho idk  
> o ye by the way  
> there's BTS lyrics in there as well (explains the chapter title whoops)

It’s been two years since Kenma has resigned himself from social life. The last conversation with his best friends was an argument. ‘He doesn’t need them when he has me.’ Kuroo happily thought to himself as soon as Kenma was crying in his arms.

The two have a routine everyday. Kuroo would wake up in the morning, apologize, then leave for work. Before going to his job, Kenma would clean himself up. As soon as the younger came home, he would clean the house and prepare dinner. Kuroo would come home late, drunk, and take out his stress on his best friend. After his lover falls asleep,Kenma himself would take out his frustration on himself. Kuroo would eat dinner Kenma made the night before for breakfast. Sometimes Kenma would wake up far too early and make the two breakfast. Kenma gradually got skinnier, more anxious, and untrue to himself. Kuroo thought his life was paradise. Their bond together never disappeared, and their strong love never seemed to fade.

One day, while Kenma, was on his way home from getting groceries, the shopping bag fell from his hand, and the entire world seemed to stop. Tears welled in his wide eyes, as the image of his boyfriend with his arm around the girl was blurred. Breath hitched, seeming unable to breathe, warm tears slid down his pale cheeks. Hands trembling frantically to pick up the bag, Kenma ran. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as his heart raced, just wanting to go home. Was it really a home anymore? Kenma wasn’t sure. All he wanted to do was wake up in Kuroo’s arms, but that didn’t even feel safe anymore. As Kenma slammed the door, he let out a choked sob. Then a wail, as he flung the bag across the room and fled to the bathroom. Frantically searching for the sharp silver through the bathroom drawers, he sobbed in relief as Kenma took it and wildly slashed at his arms, not caring about the sting of new gashes over old scars. He didn’t care anymore. 

Thick red liquid fell on the cold tile floor as salty tear drops did.

‘Being insanely happy, I was a fool addicted to your sweetness.’ 

Kenma looked up at his reflection. His eyes were red and swollen, glistening with a new batch of fresh tears.

‘Yes, a fool,’

He was small and scrawny, brown roots growing out of his scalp faded into his bleached hair. 

‘fool,’

Kenma’s eyes were big, his small pink lips quivering. 

‘fool.’

He doesn’t think he has never felt this ugly in his entire life. 

‘I don’t think I was ever good enough for him anyway.’

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

Panting and out of breath, Kuroo got off Kenma’s quivering body, and turned to the other side, drifting off to a blissful sleep. Getting off his high, Kenma went to the bathroom to wash himself off, catching himself in the mirror above the bathroom sink. Thank goodness it was dark when the two had sex, or else he would’ve had trouble making up excuses as to why he had so many ugly scars on his shoulders, wrists, and thighs. Hickies and bruises welted aginst the soft pale flesh.

‘He still does it with her. Does it feel better with her? Is feeling a curvy, big breasted woman with no angry marks tainted upon her skin more pleasurable? Is hearing soft melodic moans of a lady better than hearing my pathetic whimpers for him? Is she more loveable?’

Kenma chuckled to himself, feeling pathetic as tears once again framing his small face. Insecurity and doubt clouded his mind as he remembered the first time he saw Kuroo with her, the times Kuroo would smile at his phone blurting out messages Kenma read later that night, the little sneak peaks of hickies adorning his lover’s body, and the obvious excuses of working overtime to see her. Said person went by the lovely name Emiri Akimoto, a name that made Kenma’s stomach churn painfully.

‘Of course she’s better,’ Kenma woefully shook his head, ‘After all, Kuro really does deserve the best. I’m really just a burden’

When Kenma came back to bed, he curled up against his boyfriend’s back, forehead resting against the nape of Kuroo’s neck. If hot tears weren’t dripping down Kenma’s cheeks, then they were now. He smiled drunkenly, then shuddered, wanting to be wrapped around his best friend’s strong, warm arms.

‘If only I was born a woman for him..  
If only… If only I was actually good enough for him.’


End file.
